I spoke too soon because I didn’t get far before I felt suddenly ill like I had to throw up. I breathed in deep as my vision blurred and my heart rate sped up. What the hell?
There was a drum beating in my temples and the light glare from the streetlights seemed too bright. Like piercing lasers shooting into my skull. My head began to spin and I got the shakes.
What the hell? I’d been feeling off all evening, ever since I got to Mindy’s place. I’d blamed it on the guilt I felt because I knew what I had to do but now the feeling was more intense.
I felt like I was about to lose control like my limbs were about to give out on me. This wasn’t from guilt, I felt sick. If I didn’t know better I’d swear I’d been drugged.
But the only thing I ate all day was some of the dinner she’d prepared and I hadn’t even eaten that much. Besides, she’s not the type to do such a thing, so what is it? I didn’t have an answer but I knew something was very wrong.
I stopped just down the street from her house because my hands were trembling too hard to hold the wheel any longer.
I took deep breaths to calm the storm raging inside my chest as I felt myself spinning out of control and tried to fight whatever this is that was plaguing me.
Resting my head on the steering wheel, I tried to get my bearings. Is this because I’d almost betrayed ‘her’? Is this my penance for being an ass, for even thinking that I could marry someone else when I was still hers?
I tried to remember what I’d done that day but my thoughts were fractured and all over the place. My mind played tricks on me and kept going back and forth between the past and the present, my life playing out behind my eyes in a kaleidoscope of color.
I tried to hold onto my fleeting thoughts without success even as I tried to figure out what kind of bug I’d caught that could do this to me.
There was a burning sensation in my gut and my head began to spin faster as nausea struck. My thoughts drifted in and out as I broke out in a cold sweat.
What the hell is happening to me? Where was this all coming from all of a sudden? Maybe I’m coming down with the flu. But why so sudden when I’d been fine all day? And since when does the flu fuck with your head like this?
I rested my head back and closed my eyes, willing myself to breathe until the shaking stopped and I could breathe again. As the pain in my head eased I looked around as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.
When I left her house I’d felt almost like I was escaping. I’d felt a strong feeling of suffocation from the moment I arrived this evening. I’ve been feeling like that a lot here lately the more time I spent in her presence.