Jordan’s Rants
November 27, 2020
It’s been a hell of a week, month, year, whatever. Anyhoo, as is usual with the holiday season, when friends, families, and ghouls come out of hiding to get on my last damn nerve, this year has been no different (You’d think with a global pandemic people would stay they ass in their own house but nope). It’s at this time of year when you get to see the growth and or regression of those you hold near and dear. People discuss everything but politics and religion in my vicinity because I’m an expert on both (If telling people to shut the hell up and get dafuq out of my face is the extent of said expertise, that’s nobody’s business but mine). However, this year I’ve found a new cat to skin. When did human beings become so entitled to other people’s shiz? I love to see this fuckery. Listen, when you are about to take your misbehaving demon spawns to someone else’s home, you’re supposed to have ‘the talk’. You know the one, it’s the, ‘don’t want shit don’t touch shit, don’t ask for shit, or it’s your ass when we get back home’ speech. If you’re not man or woman enough to control your crotch termites please do not inflict them on the rest of the general public thanks. Now we move on from mini hell-spawns to the hag that birthed your spouse. This denizen from the furthest depths of hell is the same every damn year, you already know this, so why are you allowing her to get under your skin? Here’s what you do, stick her ass in a chair with a double martini or some concoction that has way more alcohol than is necessary. She’s going to fight you on this, especially if it’s a Sunday Christian. Just tell it that it was made by its son or daughter and pass it with a smile. If that doesn’t work and it still acts the hell up, let your spouse handle that shiz. If your spouse is dumb enough to side with his or her incubator pack a bag and place it by the door. When said spouse asks what that’s about nicely inform them that since they forgot to crawl all the way out of the birth canal they can head dafuq out with mommy dearest and the broom she flew in on. Don’t think for one second that it is only the incubators who act like azzholes, there is also the vitamin D injectors aka father in law. This gremlin from hades butt crack can come in all shapes and sizes with a shitload of issues. One, he can be a pig who thinks all women are good for is cooking cleaning, and bedroom gymnastics, you’ve got it easy if this is as far as his bullfuckery goes because the next one is a whole other bag of fuckery, that would be the silent creeper. If this motherfucker puts his hands on you, call his ass out loud and clear, AFTER you have scalded him with a pot full of mashed potatoes. Who don’t like it can get dafuq out. Sisters in law, brothers in law any fuq that comes to your house and doesn’t respect you, this is the year, tell them to yeet dafuq up outta your house and if your own husband and kids give you shit, put them the hell out too. Happy holidays, I need a damn drink
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Meet Jordan
Jordan Silver is the author of more than 150 romance novels and novellas featuring over-the-top alpha males and the women who love them. She also writes young adult and new adult fiction under the pen name Cami York, BDSM Romance under Jasmine Starr, and Polyamorous romance under Tiffany Lordes.
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booklove150908385 said:
amen i have a group of crotch goblins (grandkids) runnin amok here in hills of tn with the moron d in law and asshat son i just bought me a camper and locked myself n hubby in it while we practice social distancing at his finest 😛 now i get to holler out the sliding window and keep the little family at safe distance hehe if all else fails i just squall leave im not feeling good and give convincing cough as i stir up my leamondrop martini with bro in lawz shine …..happy holidays!
Thelma A Mason said:
All I could do was laugh, you went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I could not agree with you more. You forgot one thing tho Christmas is coming upt 🙂
Stephanie Wilson said:
I 100% agree with you. Thank you for the laughs.
Anonymous said:
Amen to that!!!
Barbara Pearman said:
You brought a big grin to my face! For years we had both the mothers-in-law at Christmas. They both used to sit and bitch at each other while we kept their glasses topped up. It was often hilarious. They’re both gone now, Christmas is quieter without them but not quite the same. We toast them both on Boxing Day (the day my mother-in-law died) just because it feels the right thing to do.
bev308@hotmail.com said:
Couldn’t agree with you more , your the best
DBM said:
That there is book material. It’s 8am and I’m howling with laughter. Reminds me of my favorite book Sassy Curves.
Julie said:
Jordan, thank you for the LMAO moment! I am 100% in agreement – well said and AMEN SISTER! Life is just too short to put up with other people’s crazy ass shit😂
Anonymous said:
Way to waste some sace, “IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER” Life’s too short and for a person so good with words you do know!. Just breathe!
Anonymous said:
I shouldn’t laugh but it reminds me of your book daughter in law. I love that book. Have a drink and tell everyone else to take a hike. Hope the rest of your holiday season is amazing as you are.
Tish said:
Yes ma’am!!! Well said!!!
Mrs yvette newton said:
I love your rants they are so funny but so true
Bettina Mang said:
Wow, seems as if you have a good time with your extended family. Makes me even happier that i live alone with my wunderful and well behaved daughter. If my family gets on my nerves i just shut them out. No calls and no meetings. Don’t have to take 🤬 from anyone. Let them have it. 👏
Jordan Silver Post author said:
snort, do you think I put up with fuckery? Have you read any of my stories lol
Valerie Carter said:
Agreed 100 %
anangelmagnet said:
As always, SPEAK!
Fabiola Cadet-Destil said:
Thank You! Happy Holidays Queen!
Jean Pickrell said:
You tell’em sister!