It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like…
November 3, 2021
Now, I know what some of you are thinking; it’s too early. But here’s a hint. Each year the stores start their shiz earlier and earlier, but what they don’t tell you is that humans are getting in on that and have been acting up earlier and earlier as well. This little post is to help my butterflies stay on top of the game this year, so nobody has to do jail time in the middle of a pandemic. Try to follow along because mama gets a little bit excited when it comes to this topic, so she might ramble a bit.
Now, first things first. Someone asked what got into me that I’ve been writing so much in the last couple of weeks, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s the season. Nothing gets my juices flowing like preparing for the mind fuq that is unwanted guests, (I mean family) for the holidays. This is the time of year when I reorganize the can goods in my cupboard. For those of you who read The Daughter In Law, you know what these cans are used for. You have to plan ahead. No judge is going to believe you just happen to have a five-year-old can of tuna lying around to chuck at Aunt Susie’s head. But if that can is new well then, it was the first thing you could get your hands on.
Let me explain. I’ve come to realize that guns are too messy when used inside the house. First, there’s the blood, which is a bitch and her ten cousins to get out of carpet, then the paperwork when the azzhole law stick their nose in. Whatever happened to everybody minding their own? On top of that, you have to go stand in front of some man or woman (they call themselves judges) who has their own familial issues stemming from the holidays, who’s pissed at Aunt Rita for one reason or another, and now they’re gonna take their fuckery out on you. I digress.
Now, as I was saying, make sure you update your can stash around this time to answer any impending legal questions. Some people have canning sessions and food prep for the winter; I collect cans to use as missiles. So, when Aunt Marjorie asks your sweet cousin Beth for the one-hundredth time when she’s going to start having kids, knowing damn good and well the woman has been child-free since twenty-three and is now pushing fifty, you can chuck one of those cans across the table at this nagging hag of a witch. The blood spill won’t be that much and I find that it’s easier to get blood out of table linen (use vinegar and salt, it works wonders) than it is to get it out of carpet. Come back tomorrow, and I’ll tell you about choosing the right size cans and trajectory stats et al.
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Meet Jordan
Jordan Silver is the author of more than 150 romance novels and novellas featuring over-the-top alpha males and the women who love them. She also writes young adult and new adult fiction under the pen name Cami York, BDSM Romance under Jasmine Starr, and Polyamorous romance under Tiffany Lordes.
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Nadia Marcat said:
Thank you for the laugh😃
Bev Franklin said:
That was so refreshing thankyou
Lydia said:
Thank God I didn’t clean out the pantry😂😂😂
Barbara Hahn said:
Hahahaha 😂 I actually spat out my coffee. Thanks for the laugh.
I just got this email btw….Only a month later 🤷🏻♀️ How bizzare!!!
Have a great Christmas Jordan and also you Butterflies 🦋
Tanya said:
Love this!!! I’m going shopping!!!
Julie said:
Thank you for the laugh. I get lucky this year the mother-in-law went out of town so a quite Thanksgiving for me. LOL
Tracy said:
I love you, you are the best.
Lynn Pingitore said:
OMG I love you. Thank you for being you. You’re the best
Valerie Horton said:
you always hit the right note
Tina said:
LOVE THIS😂😂😂😂😂
Jacqueline said:
Lawd Mama! Let’s all pray for a peaceful season in all of our household. Thanks for the advice! 😂
Stephanie Wilson said:
Thank you Momma. I appreciate the chuckles and thank you for the wonderful chapters. Keep them coming because I am loving them. And not to sound like a greedy be-atch but you normally do a holiday book…are you gonna do that this year?
Tamara Webster said:
Hydrogen peroxide works well to get blood out too. Be careful it can bleach, if you don’t get it all up quickly.
Barbara said:
Thank you Jordan, we need all the chuckles we can get at this time of the year! xx
Crystal said:
Love it!!!😂😂😂