My tears were interrupted by the retching sounds I made when my gorge rose. I knelt over the toilet and threw up bile since there was nothing inside me to lose.
It had been days since I’d really eaten anything and I felt weak when I got to my feet and headed to the sink to get cleaned up.
“Oh why are you doing this to yourself Kristi?” I’d only come here in the off chance that he’d talk to me and so I wouldn’t have to explain to mom why I was ditching.
But now that I was truly sick, I could just go home and hide from the world. I couldn’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands and left.
It was easy enough getting a pass from the dragon in the principal’s office. I must’ve looked horrible because she didn’t even make me play twenty questions.
I drove home slowly because I could hardly see through the tears that fell from my eyes. I wiped them away for the third time and told myself that I was done.
But all it took was the vision of Brandon’s face to start the waterworks going again. I felt the loss keenly as I pulled into my driveway and saw his house across the street.
That used to be my second home. Now those doors too were closed to me. The thought of what they knew or might’ve been told gutted me, and my face burned with shame.
I sat in the driveway and cleaned my face before going inside to face mom. I didn’t even stop to admire the flowers mom and I had put in a few weeks ago that were now showing signs of life.
I didn’t wave to my neighbor next door even though I saw her there, and when she called out to me I just sped up my pace.
Great, just one more innocent person you’ve crapped on. If I felt any lower I’d be a slug. I took a deep breath before opening the door, hoping I got through the next five minutes without giving anything away.
“Hi mom.” Just get this over with don’t break in front of her.
“Kristi?” She came from the kitchen wiping her hands on a dishtowel. “What’re you doing home so early? Are you sick, did something happen at school?”
She followed me halfway up the stairs. “I’m fine mom, just feeling a little under the weather. I’ll talk to you after I’ve had some rest.” Of course she ignored me and placed her hand on my forehead.
“You’re not hot, what is it? You don’t look so good.”
“It’s nothing mom. I just caught some stupid bug, I’ll be good as soon as I get some sleep.”
I made my escape quickly and closed and lock my door. I didn’t breathe easy again until I heard her footsteps retreating.
I dropped my bag beside my bed and didn’t even bother to remove my shoes as I climbed in under the blanket. The tears just free flowed now and my heart broke into a thousand pieces